


Confessions of a Vendor

by ToumeiKyoudai



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Implied Relationships, Matchmaking, Multi, Not Serious, Nothing explicit, Only Regarding the Nice Cream, Satire of Fanfiction, Well this Fandom's Fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 03:38:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7601902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToumeiKyoudai/pseuds/ToumeiKyoudai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know how in a lot of Undertale fanfiction there's some really conveniently coloured nice creams?</p>
<p>Well, it isn't an accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions of a Vendor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LetskeepthisSECRET (DSKirin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DSKirin/gifts), [Paradoxis](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Paradoxis).



> This is based off of a comment thread between Let'skeepthisSECRET and Paradoxis on "Rain, Rain, Go Away"
> 
> Please thank them for their devious conspiracy theories.

He wasn’t sure quite when it had started. He had been doing it for a long time, that he was certain of. It had started before he’d moved to Hotland, before he’d set up in Waterfall, and even before he’d settled just outside of Snowdin. Perhaps he had started all the way back when he had lived in the capital.

But the when wasn’t important.

Honestly, he wondered if he was a sicko. He liked to think that he wasn’t, that he was just helping young couples along in their relationships. After all, he only ever did it to couples.

Regardless of whether it was right or wrong, he still enjoyed watching the reaction. Some would laugh it off as coincidence, others would blush and try to eat discreetly, while others still would be utterly and completely oblivious.

Those were his favourite.

It only worked with monsters, though, as he had learned upon opening his cart on the surface. Humans didn’t know the colours of their partner’s soul, and they never needed to use their magic to manifest...appendages. But that was fine with him. Monsters alone were enough. Humans didn’t understand the significance of licking their partner’s soul anyways. Nor did they understand the ecstasy of your soul being licked.

It was their loss.

He was certain that it had been an accident the first time. He would never do such a thing to his queen, would he? He hoped not. She had been hesitant to lick the treat at first, with her husband watching her with such wide eyes. After a few moments, her hesitation had vanished and she had brashly licked while giving her husband a seductive look. The king had dragged his queen back to his castle faster than a whimsun could flee.

That may have been the start of the vendor's habit.

After he had moved to his place just outside of Snowdin, he had had another memorable encounter. Two young pups, so obviously in love yet both too embarrassed to make the first move, had strolled past his cart. The vendor couldn’t help but want to help the two innocent youths to voice their mutual feelings for each other.

And so he had allowed his magic to fully infect his wares.

When their treats were opened, they were not the colours their flavours usually came in, but rather reflected something much more intimate. But that was okay. He was the only one to know what the flavours’ true colours were.

Now, the pups from that time were happily married and had become nose nuzzling champions.

Was it so wrong to do this? He was making so many people so happy. That was all that mattered, right?

The next case had occurred in Waterfall. A headstrong fish woman and a shy dinosaur. Apparently they had just admitted their love for each other at the dump, and had ended up wandering into the vendor’s cave. Neither could make eye contact with each other, and they lacked for conversation. And so he had once again guiltily manipulated his treat's colours to reflect the intimate glow of of a soul.

The fish had stared so blatantly at her girlfriend. And with such unrestrained lust.

This is what he did. He built connections between people. He stirred emotions long suppressed. He created bonds. If this is what his work did, then how could it be wrong?

From there, his habit had snowballed into an obsession.

He had helped two soldiers become more comfortable with their sexualities, and with each other. He had helped a husband realize that despite her melting appearance, his wife was still his beloved wife. He had even helped a robot seduce himself.

There was nothing wrong with this. Using his magic to change the colours of his wares was helping people. He was even helping himself, as his subtle matchmaking kept his customers coming back.

They were happy. He was happy. Was it not a good thing, then?

How could it not be?

What he was doing, although slightly perverted and sick, was helping people to be more comfortable in their relationships. And so, as long as it kept helping, the vendor would continue to sell his corrupt candies.

He grinned and perked his ears as a skeleton and his partner strolled towards the vendor's station.

“Would you like to try a nice cream? It’s the cold treat that warms your heart!”


End file.
